


The Way

by chrissy_sky, TerraTenshi



Series: The Untitled Epic Star Wars AU [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: Jedi Apprentice Series - Jude Watson & Dave Wolverton
Genre: Alternative Universe - Canon, M/M, Phantom Menace AU, Romance, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-26
Updated: 2012-01-26
Packaged: 2017-10-30 04:50:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/327922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chrissy_sky/pseuds/chrissy_sky, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TerraTenshi/pseuds/TerraTenshi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>The true meaning of life was to find happiness within oneself and share that happiness with others. Love was not, and could never be, wrong.</i> In which Qui-Gon has a near death experience and decides to leave the Jedi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Way

**Author's Note:**

> Post-Phantom Menace rewrite. Some Mace Windu bastardization that is leftover from Chrissy's grudge caused by the things Mace said to Obi-Wan after the Melida-Daan incident (Jedi Apprentice-verse). It is hopefully not too bad.
> 
> There will be more parts to this forthcoming, hopefully soon in the future.
> 
> A small cameo of Tahl in the beginning. If you haven't read the JA books, it doesn't really matter because it's very vague. Also, some of this could differ from the rest of the EU canon.

Title: The Way

Authors: Terra Tenshi and Chrissy Sky

Disclaimer: Qui-Gon died in the making of this fanfic. But he got better.

Summary: _The true meaning of life was to find happiness within oneself and share that happiness with others. Love was not, and could never be, wrong._ In which Qui-Gon has a near death experience and decides to leave the Jedi.

Notes: Post-Phantom Menace rewrite. Some Mace Windu bastardization.

 

-

 

Qui-Gon drifted in the ether, the Force calling to his torn soul, promising eternal peace. All he had to do was let himself go, let the being known as _Qui-Gon Jinn_ pass away, until nothing remained. He would be one with the Force, be part of an ageless wisdom that was beyond what he’d ever dreamed. It was what countless Jedi before him had done, what he had always thought he would do.

 

But one voice out of the many said something different. It told him there was another way.

 

Qui-Gon hesitated at the threshold of giving up his conscious mind forever, curious. He had never been one to follow the paths others had treaded. He much preferred making his own way, with his own hands.

 

So he waited, and watched.

 

And _saw_.

 

The ideas that flowed into his mind came far more effortlessly than studying had ever happened for him as a boy. It felt like hours, but something told him he would never have been allowed to stay suspended there that long undecided, so it must have been a much shorter time than he thought.

 

What he learned both puzzled and amazed him; the Force was neither good nor evil, yet was both at the same time. Neither the tenants of the Living Force, which he believed, nor the Unifying Force, were wrong. It was an energy field created by living things and there was a Will, a thought (or many thoughts), and yet it was not a God. It wasn’t a being at all, not living or dead, but it still carried with it a strange benevolence. It—them—were simply there to use or be used, nothing more. It could heal, or hurt, but it all depended on how it was used by living beings.

 

Once, the Force might have been simply energy, but over the eons it had been used, it had developed—not a consciousness, but something like it. Intent perhaps.

 

Destiny?

 

A new voice broke into the others, distracting him. It was not part of the Force.

 

_Master… Master!_

 

He knew that voice. It sounded young, wounded, and desperate.

 

_Master, please! Don’t leave me like this! Please, please, please don’t die, please come back, please!_

 

It hurt. Qui-Gon wanted it to stop. The pain that voice made him feel was far from the eternal peace the Force offered. And yet—

 

And yet.

 

Qui-Gon heard other voices, and he thought he knew them.

 

Friends long gone?

 

_It’s alright,_ they told him. _Come to us, Qui-Gon. There is so much more to learn here._

 

Yes, he wanted to learn. He wanted to know. Letting himself go into the Force and disappear was not an option he liked—but if he could stay here and learn more mysteries like this, that would have been preferable.

 

One voice broke away from the others. It was feminine and filled with love, unlike the one from without that seemed to only bring him pain. Qui-Gon thought he should have known it too.

 

_Wait, my friend. There it yet another path. Listen._

 

That desperate, painful voice came again. _Master, you can’t do this. Please. What about Anakin? He needs you, please. I can’t train him; I don’t have your patience. How will he feel knowing that I’m only training him because of my promise to you? I apologize for being so selfish, but he needs you—we both need you here with us!_

 

Qui-Gon didn’t understand. He thought he should, but that awareness was blocked by something. He called to the feminine voice to answer his confusion.

 

_The boy. Remember, Qui-Gon. The boy you found on Tattooine. He is the_ _Chosen_ _One—you were right!_

 

He was? Qui-Gon remembered then, as if a veil was lifted from his mind, and felt a joyful thrill—Anakin was the Chosen One! He would bring balance, as the prophecy had promised.

 

_But how can he bring balance when none of them know what it is?_

 

This was true. The Jedi believed that the Light Side of the Force alone was the balance, and this wasn’t right at all.

 

He could see that now. The Dark Side was just another form of the Force as a whole—it was what the Sith Lords did with it that made it putrid. There were other users of the Dark Side that did not have this malfunction. Even the distinction between Light and Dark seemed meaningless, because it should all have been the same. While the Jedi deadened themselves to all passion, the Sith felt too much of it—and that was the _true_ imbalance!

 

What really mattered, the real Balance, was to find the place in between; to be both passionate and centered.

 

Qui-Gon could do that. It was what he’d always—secretly—believed.

 

The true meaning of life was to find happiness within oneself and share that happiness with others. Love was not, and could never be, wrong.

 

He thought the feminine voice smiled. _That’s the Qui-Gon Jinn I knew._

 

Who was that?

 

_Not important, my friend. The boy needs you, that is true, but there is another who does also—needs you with a passion he hardly dares to feel, but it’s spilling forth now. Remember, Qui-Gon. Remember that he needs you, and that you need him too. That’s why you wouldn’t let him take his trials before now, right?_

 

Right. Because he didn’t want to let Obi-Wan go— _Obi-Wan!_

 

It was Obi-Wan’s voice he heard crying. It was Obi-Wan that was in pain, because of him. Because he was dying.

 

_Go back, Qui-Gon. Together, find the truth of not only the Force, but of life. Make your own path. Your fate is **not** preordained._

 

Yes, he wanted to go back. The Force was giving him its permission—to live, to love, to guide. He wanted to live with Anakin, with Obi-Wan.

 

Qui-Gon put all his strength in that thought— _I’m going back!_ —and pushed away from the peace of death.

 

Then he felt pain, physical and abrupt, and instinctively fought against the ties holding him in place— _he was going to live!_

 

_Master! Calm, please, you’ll reopen your wound—let yourself heal, Master._

 

The thought was relieved and carried a sob as if it had been spoken verbally. Qui-Gon opened his eyes.

 

Everything was purple, even though the pain should have been red. Purple—bacta fluid. He was in a bacta tank. Healing.

 

Alive.

 

Qui-Gon looked up and met the eyes of his Padawan. The bacta made it difficult to see, but he could tell the younger man was crying.

 

This pained him. He wanted to comfort Obi-Wan, to hold him or at least send a reassuring thought, but he was too weak. Fighting his way back from death had taken all his strength.

 

Obi-Wan smiled when he stilled, as if that was enough, and perhaps it was. Qui-Gon let himself fall asleep, and if Death tried to claim him again, he would fight just as hard, remembering that smile.

 

-

 

His good mood over Qui-Gon’s expected recovery made him nicer to Anakin. Obi-Wan realized and felt ashamed of his behavior—there was no way that the coldness he’d previously shown the former slave was acceptable. Not for a Jedi, or for a good person.

 

So Obi-Wan went out of his way to be nicer to Anakin now. If the change puzzled Anakin, the boy didn’t let on, but Obi-Wan was truly sorry. Anakin seemed to have other concerns than his behavior though, and Obi-Wan supposed that was understandable.

 

There had been a time when he was uncertain about his future too.

 

“What will happen to me now?” Anakin asked as a palace servant brought them food.

 

They were staying on Naboo while Qui-Gon recovered, though representatives from the Jedi had arrived and were taking care of official business; such as their transport home as soon as Obi-Wan’s master had recovered enough to be moved. He was happy to leave them to it, since Qui-Gon was being released from the bacta tank today.

 

“We’ll take you with us back to the Temple,” Obi-Wan said, fixing the boy’s plate. “After that, we’ll figure it out. Don’t worry, you won’t become a slave again.”

 

Anakin gazed at his food without interest. “One of the other Jedi said that you were almost a farmer, when you weren’t chosen to be someone’s Padawan.”

 

Obi-Wan frowned. It was a common practice with younglings in the Order – too few Knights meant that a large number of the younglings who reached the age of thirteen would not be chosen, as was their custom.

 

Instead they were sent to various locations around the galaxy as social servants. Obi-Wan had briefly worked with the Agri-Corps on a small mining planet called Bandomeer, before Qui-Gon had taken him as his apprentice.

 

But there were only a few people mean enough to actually tell Anakin this, when it was obvious that the boy was already uncertain about his future, and that it was a source of fear.

 

“Was it the dark skinned human from the Council?” he asked.

 

Anakin flushed and nodded, nibbling on a piece of fruit.

 

Obi-Wan took a deep breath, forcing himself to remain calm. The protective urge he felt was instinctive and surprising. “Don’t worry, Anakin. Master Qui-Gon and I won’t give up on you.”

 

He owed Anakin that much for his behavior. He’d acted like such a spoiled child.

 

Or a spurned lover. He barely clamped down on the urge to blush, pushing that thought far, far back down, hiding it away. Such thoughts were unsavory for a Jedi.

 

Anakin nodded again, looking a little more hopeful. “Can I see Master Qui-Gon when he’s awake?”

 

“Of course. I know he’ll want to see you too. I’ll come get you as soon as he wakes up.”

 

Anakin smiled brightly and Obi-Wan couldn’t help but smile back – and muss the boy’s sandy blond hair playfully.

 

“Obi-Wan!” the boy laughed and pushed his hand away.

 

Chuckling, the young man turned back to his food.

 

-

 

After their midday meal, Obi-Wan sent Anakin off to spend time with the Queen’s handmaidens, who doted on Amidala’s little friend that had recently done so much for them. They all owed a great debt to Anakin, not only in the Podracing but in the battle with the Trade Federation. It was because of the boy they had been able to free Naboo and its people.

 

Though Obi-Wan had considered chiding Anakin for taking part in the battle as the youngest fighter pilot in history – possibly – he decided it was punishment enough that they feared they would lose Qui-Gon. Besides, he truly did not feel like punishing Anakin for saving an entire planet, and it was not as though he had left the hanger on purpose.

 

And Mace Windu should have been ashamed of himself for testing Anakin so cruelly. They all knew fear was Anakin’s weakness – it should have been worked through, not poked at.

 

Obi-Wan helped the healer droids get Qui-Gon out of the tank, cleaned, and into a private room. It was highly disconcerting to see his master so weakened. Qui-Gon had always been tall and strong to his apprentice—always active, always on some new crusade, and always getting shot at. Obi-Wan had spent much of the last twelve years just trying to watch Qui-Gon’s back.

 

So seeing him felled thusly, knowing how close he had come to losing his friend, made his heart ache.

 

Like every place on this little jewel of a planet, the room contained beautiful furnishings far exceeding the accommodations Jedi normally allowed for themselves. But rather than insist on a simpler environment, Obi-Wan thought the room would offer the peace and quiet Qui-Gon needed to get well.

 

His master was larger than he, but Obi-Wan eased him down onto the silken sheets with assistance from the Force, even going so far as to fluff the pillows and pull a light blanket over his sock covered feet. Qui-Gon still slept, and resting upon the soft colored pillows, he seemed much more peaceful than his apprentice was used to seeing him.

 

He stared at Qui-Gon for a time, assuring himself that this was real, that he had not lost his beloved master at the hands of a Sith Lord. Qui-Gon was lying right there in front of him, alive and breathing, asleep and healing.

 

Briefly, Obi-Wan touched the spot on Qui-Gon’s abdomen that was covered with bandages, underneath the borrowed shirt he wore. He had been putting his own energies into helping the lightsaber wound heal, assisting the bacta fluid along and nearly exhausting himself.

 

He added some more now and jumped as a large hand encircled his own.

 

“Obi-Wan,” Qui-Gon rasped, throat dry.

 

Obi-Wan obligingly reached for a glass of water, holding it to his lips so the older man could drink.

 

Qui-Gon took slow sips before pushing the cup away. “Thank you. And not just for the water. Rest now, Padawan. I’ll live.”

 

Obi-Wan sagged, allowing some of his tiredness show. “I just wanted you to be well, Master.” He grimaced, reminded instantly that he shouldn’t be calling Qui-Gon that any longer. “Master Yoda said that when I defeated the Sith, I passed my Trials.”

 

The Trials to become a Jedi Knight were not always orthodox, though they were typically administered by the Council. What mattered was that the Padawan accept a set of challenges and succeed them. In their eyes, when he had faced the Sith and calmed himself, finding his center long enough to defeat the strange, horned man, Obi-Wan had passed.

 

Qui-Gon smiled, looking a little more awake now, his blue eyes shining. “Then I shouldn’t be calling you Padawan anymore. I’m proud of you, Obi-Wan.”

 

The words coming from his mentor filled Obi-Wan with warmth through his whole body. “Thank you, Master.” It slipped out before he could help himself.

 

The older man laughed. “I suppose it’ll take some getting used to.”

 

Obi-Wan ducked his head, trying to hide his red face. He had a fair complexion and flushing showed easily, clashing abominably with his auburn hair. “Yes.”

 

Except it just seemed wrong to call Qui-Gon by his name.

 

Qui-Gon let go of his hand, and Obi-Wan felt a momentary wave of—disappointment?—until that large hand reached up and cupped his cheek. He felt himself blushing harder, emotions stirring that he really tried to push away. He hoped Qui-Gon couldn’t sense it.

 

“Obi-Wan.”

 

Oh blast, he knew. “Are you hungry, Master?” Obi-Wan managed, and tried to stand. “I’ll get you something.”

 

“Obi-Wan.” The tone was firmer now, but tempered with a warm smile. “Relax. What you’re feeling isn’t wrong. It’s because of those feelings that you reached me. I was dying, Obi-Wan, and your voice pulled me back.”

 

The younger man sat back on the bed, the energy to resist leaving him like sails losing wind. “It’s not right. I shouldn’t…”

 

Why did Qui-Gon have to be so understanding? It almost made it worse. He had barely become a Knight and now if he didn’t manage to let these feelings go, let them flow into the Force, they would lead him to the Dark Side. He didn’t want that—he wanted to be a Jedi that Qui-Gon would be proud to know.

 

That was enough for him.

 

Qui-Gon smiled gently. “There’s nothing to be afraid of, Obi-Wan.”

 

A strong arm, surprising since he had only just gotten out of the tank, wrapped around him, pulling him closer. Obi-Wan braced his hands on Qui-Gon’s large chest in surprise. “What?”

 

The smile widened, blue eyes glittering with warmth and mischief. “Especially when I feel the same.”

 

Obi-Wan blinked, remembering many other things about his disobedient master, and sighed in frustration. It was so _typical_ , really. Qui-Gon always had to be contrary, to go against the rules at every turn.

 

“Master, you mustn’t. The Council already thinks you’re a Gray Jedi, if they found out we were—that we—”

 

“That we’re in love?” The older man seemed amused.

 

Obi-Wan blushed anew as the arm around him tightened. “Master—Qui-Gon, we _can’t_!”

 

His tone softened. “Obi-Wan, calm yourself. Getting upset won’t do us any good.” Qui-Gon sighed and rubbed at his former Padawan’s back, finding tight muscles easily. “I learned many things while I was on the other side. Things you’re going to find hard to believe. I beg you, for the sake of our friendship, to listen. All you have to do is listen. You can decide whether to believe me or not afterwards.”

 

Qui-Gon Jinn, begging. How could Obi-Wan refuse?

 

As he was told what Qui-Gon had seen and felt the Force to be “really” like, it wasn’t hard for the younger Jedi to stay quiet. He was too stunned to say anything until Qui-Gon finished.

 

No Light or Dark? True Balance was to have both coexist alongside each other? It was comforting (though only slightly) that Qui-Gon still believed Sith to be a corruption, but by that same logic, that also meant the Jedi were a corruption as well.

 

“Not a corruption, per se,” Qui-Gon tried to reassure. “Merely misguided.”

 

“Master!” Obi-Wan stood, the arm letting him go finally. “Do you hear yourself? How you sound? You’re sounding like a Gray Jedi, just like the Council always accused you of!”

 

Picturing Mace Windu’s barely subdued smug expression made him nauseous.

 

Qui-Gon was a maverick. He always did what he wanted, despite the Council’s wishes. He thought he was right and stubbornly had trouble accepting the views of others. This was nothing new to Obi-Wan. When he was thirteen, it had been the reason that he’d wanted Qui-Gon to be his Jedi Master. But over time, as Qui-Gon was repeatedly turned down for promotion to the Council, it began to be frustrating. Qui-Gon was a great man and Obi-Wan only wanted everyone to see that, but the renegade Jedi made that very diffcult.

 

If Obi-Wan were honest with himself though, he knew that if Qui-Gon was curtailed and obedient, he would worry that something was wrong with his Master. Obeying orders blindly just went against his nature.

 

He knew Qui-Gon _was_ a good man. The man he respected, and did truthfully love with all his heart. Knowing that Qui-Gon felt the same made him feel very unworthy, but not like an aberration, as he thought he should have.

 

Some of his thoughts must have carried across their Master-Padawan bond, because Qui-Gon tried to get out of bed. “Obi-Wan…”

 

Shaking his head, Obi-Wan took a step away from him. “I—I need to think, Master. This is very sudden. I just need to think about everything, okay?”

 

He was worried the man would be disappointed, but instead Qui-Gon just looked troubled as he nodded. “Alright, Obi-Wan. Take all the time that you need. In the meantime, could you send Anakin up?”

 

Flushing again—how could he have forgotten?—Obi-Wan agreed quickly and fled.

 

-

 

He found Anakin still with the young ladies who all resembled the girl known as Padme Naberrie, along with another familiar face.

 

“Bant!” Obi-Wan cried, surprised, getting the Mon Calamari’s attention.

 

Bant Eerin had been his best friend since their earliest days at the Temple. They had been on many missions together, in and out of the Temple, though not all of them ended well. On one occasion, her first master and Qui-Gon’s old friend, Master Tahl, had died. She was then accepted by Master Kit Fisto, but they all still mourned Tahl’s loss. Obi-Wan even suspected that Tahl’s relationship with Qui-Gon had been more than mere friendship.

 

(And given the current direction of his thoughts, he decided it was best not to think about that too much.)

 

Bant’s fish-like face smiled at him. “There you are. Finally decided to join the rest of us?”

 

Obi-Wan reddened again. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were here.”

 

“I know. You were focused on Master Qui-Gon.”

 

Anakin joined them before Obi-Wan could respond to her statement, looking eager. “Is he awake yet?”

 

Obi-Wan forced a smile, but he knew it must look strained. “Yes, Anakin. He’s asking for you, so head on up.”

 

The boy whooped happily and raced out of the room, earning laughs from all the ladies present.

 

“He’s adorable,” Bant said what they were all thinking. “I hope that the Council accepts him. It’s hard to believe that he’s really the Chosen One though. Master Qui-Gon really thinks he is?”

 

Obi-Wan nodded. Apparently the Force had confirmed it…

 

Bant’s large silver eyes narrowed. “Something’s bothering you. Even if I couldn’t feel your anxiety, I can see it on your face.”

 

The young man hesitated. Bant had always been a kind and trusted friend. No matter what happened, betraying him would not be an easy choice for her. Obi-Wan believed he could confide in her.

 

But not now. He would welcome Bant’s thoughts on the matter once he was finished thinking about it himself.

 

He promised Bant he would tell her all about it later before beginning his search for somewhere to think in private.

 

-

 

Anakin rushed into the room in a flurry of boyish enthusiasm. He stopped short when he caught sight of Qui-Gon sitting up in bed. He looked strange in his borrowed clothes and sitting in the expensive bed.

 

“That’s a lot of pink,” Anakin noted, meaning the bed’s canopy, the sheets, and the curtains swaying gently in the afternoon breeze. Seeing mostly sand and tan colors all of his life, so much color took getting used to. Especially pink.

 

Qui-Gon smiled indulgently and ruffled Anakin’s hair as he joined him on the bed.

 

The boy giggled at the attention. “Obi-Wan did that too.”

 

“Did he now?”

 

Anakin nodded, frowning when he saw a strange expression cross the elder Jedi’s face. “Are you feeling okay? Maybe you should sleep longer.”

 

“I will,” Qui-Gon assured. “As soon as Obi-Wan gets back. I’m sorry for worrying you.”

 

“S’okay. Obi-Wan made me sleep. In his room, while he was watching you. Not the room Padme—I mean, the Queen gave me. Because it’s closer.”

 

This seemed to cheer Qui-Gon up. “I’m glad he was taking care of you.”

 

“Yeah, he’s really nice.” He hadn’t been sure what to make of Obi-Wan after first meeting him; the young man had been more focused on their master. But the way Obi-Wan tucked him into bed at night and fixed his food reminded the boy a little of his mother.

 

Anakin folded his legs, getting comfortable. “I’ll keep you company until he gets back.”

 

Qui-Gon chuckled. “And I shall tell you some stories. Would you like to know how Obi-Wan and I met?”

 

“Sure!” He couldn’t think of anything better at the moment. “He already told me a little bit, but not much.”

 

“Alright. It began nearly twelve years ago, when I was called back to the Temple by Master Yoda. He had been subtly pressuring me to take a new Padawan for some time, and a particular young pupil had caught his attention…”

 

-

 

Finding a quiet spot turned out to not be as difficult as he’d feared, with a palace full of Jedi, any of whom could have gone to the garden before him to meditate. Given what he had to meditate about, Obi-Wan didn’t want any interference.

 

Seeing a shaded area near a man-made waterfall, the splashing water creating a soothing white noise, he relaxed on the grass. There would be grass stains, possibly some insect bites, but he would ignore these worries for now. He would focus.

 

The palace garden was as beautiful as every other place on the grounds. He wasn’t even sure if the Queen had time to enjoy them as much as the care it was given seemed to imply. There was large enough room along the walkways and in the center that perhaps it was used for gatherings of the rich and powerful. Obi-Wan had attended such parties during his time as Qui-Gon’s Padawan, and from those occasions, along with their dealings with politics across the universe, led to his general dislike of politicians.

 

Politics seemed to involve a lot of lies, campaigning with false promises, and more boot-licking than he preferred. Only a few politicians such as the Queen of Naboo existed, which would have been why she was elected despite her age. (On Naboo, age mattered very little. The people here were exceptionally open-minded.)

 

He’d always felt gratified that Qui-Gon felt the same. His Master respected truth, honor, and friendship highly. Political games they were sometimes drawn into only earned his disdain. Often they had to figure out what was really going on, the politicians lying to them even when their lives were at jeopardy, seeming to care more about their reputations than their lives.

 

But he and Qui-Gon worked together and—usually—things worked out. They were one of the most successful teams in the Order. This wasn’t necessarily a source of pride, as it meant that their caseload was very high. Rest did not come often.

 

Hence their tackling this Trade Federation situation right after finishing another mission, without a much needed rest. He and his master were tired.

 

Perhaps that was why Qui-Gon had seen what he thought he saw? Perhaps it was all merely a near-death hallucination caused by exhaustion.

 

Except Qui-Gon had seemed perfectly lucid when he talked to Obi-Wan about it. Eyes were not fever bright or too excited. He was just Qui-Gon being Qui-Gon. His usual rebellious self.

 

So taking several deep breathes, Obi-Wan relaxed his conscious mind, slipping into a meditative trance. He sent his mind into the Force, to search for the truth all on his own. He sat aside his beliefs and faith in Qui-Gon, wanting neither to color his sight. He sought out the true essence of the Force.

 

For a moment, he thought he grasped it, before other images filled his mind:

 

Fighting Bruck Chun for Master Jinn’s favor. He beat his rival twice, but the Master would not take him as his apprentice. He would be a farmer after all.

 

Fate decreed that they ended up on the same freighter to Bandomeer. Could he convince Qui-Gon to be his Master regardless of the anger the man sensed in him?

 

Slowly, the realization hit home that Qui-Gon did not want him. How many times did the man have to tell him _no_ before he got it? There he was, slumped in a chair with exhaustion, wounded from their battle with the pirates, and still Obi-Wan pestered him. Yet the feeling remained.

 

_Being a good person was more important than being a good Jedi._

 

Fighting side by side with Qui-Gon against the gigantic Draigons, protecting what was left of the ship’s crew and passengers. The Force flowed through them, guiding them, together. It was the first time Obi-Wan had felt so one to the Force.

 

Making it to Bandomeer at last. They shared quarters the first night, and Obi-Wan had gotten his hopes up again by the morning. He noticed how tense Qui-Gon had been too. He remembered the note Qui-Gon received upon their arrival and wanted to ask about it, even though questioning a Master was forbidden. His hopes risen further when Qui-Gon asked him along to his meeting that morning and was crushed when the man again insisted that he go to the Agri-Corps. He could only think of his own disappointment as Qui-Gon sent him on his way.

 

Xanatos finding him at the Agri-Corps, filling his head with lies about Qui-Gon. Lies he refused to believe. Even if Qui-Gon had been cold or aloof toward him sometimes, Obi-Wan still believed.

 

The mining platform stationed upon Bandomeer’s great sea. The guards had attached a collar to his neck while he’d been sleeping. (Knocked out by Xanatos, the liar.) If he tried to escape, the collar would explode. Death would be gruesome. Death by mining accident even more horrific. The other minors around him had long ago given up on freedom. They were slaves. Would Qui-Gon find him? Would he even try to look? Would he care?

 

Guerra was a cruel friend, but he was all Obi-Wan had in that dark place. So cynical, so willing to sell Obi-Wan out when he tried to escape.

 

Execution. They forced him off the platform to plummet to the waters below. Guerra surprised him by setting a sling for him to grab onto. Guerra saved him, and Qui-Gon arrived shortly after to rescue them both. Collars deactivated. Obi-Wan’s could not be removed until later.

 

Qui-Gon told him the truth of Xanatos’ betrayal. Obi-Wan’s heart broke for the man, for the guilt Qui-Gon felt in failing his fallen Padawan. He didn’t think it was Qui-Gon’s fault. He never would.

 

They fought Xanatos on the mainland. He trapped them in a mine. Meant to destroy the planet. Always had to have the last word once he was safely away. Obi-Wan got an idea. He could reactivate his collar with the Force and blast a way free for Qui-Gon. The explosion would kill him. He did not fear death, if Qui-Gon was safe. The man argued, yelled at him, said he would stop him.

 

_“Yes, Qui-Gon. I can do it. I will do it.”_

 

Qui-Gon figured out how to unlock the door before he could. They saved Bandomeer, but Xanatos got away. They would meet him again. Something more important happened.

 

_“You called me Padawan in the mine.”_

_“I would be honored to accept you as my Padawan, Obi-Wan Kenobi.”_

 

At last.

 

His first present from Qui-Gon, when he was officially thirteen. A river stone. Qui-Gon claimed it was only a pretty rock, but Obi-Wan knew it wasn’t his imagination that the stone felt warm, sometimes. He kept it with him always.

 

Together for a few short months. Met the young rebels on Melida-Daan while rescuing Tahl. They became his friends. How could he just leave them? How could he ask Qui-Gon to stay when Tahl was injured?

 

Qui-Gon left. Obi-Wan gave up being a Jedi, for his new friends. For their freedom.

 

Cerasi died. She had been so beautiful. Things seemed hopeless. He called the Temple for help. He called Qui-Gon for help. Didn’t expect him to come.

 

He came. They fought together once more, won. Obi-Wan returned to the Temple to face the Council about his actions. Qui-Gon remained cold, distant, worse than ever. Obi-Wan knew he deserved it. That he was only thirteen, only a child, unimportant. He was supposed to be a Jedi. He was supposed to be everything Xanatos wasn’t. He never meant to betray Qui-Gon, like he did.

 

Xanatos attacked the Temple. Took Bruck as his student, in secret. They didn’t find out until it was too late. Bant almost died. Bruck did die. Xanatos got away again. (Always had to get the last word.) They saved the Temple, like Bandomeer before it.

 

Qui-Gon meant to follow him this time. His former apprentice had to be stopped. Despite already being in trouble, Obi-Wan insisted on going with him, despite the Council’s wishes. He couldn’t let Qui-Gon face this alone. The Council didn’t stop them.

 

Xanatos’ home world. Xanatos secretly in control of the entire planet, finding the power he had sought. They find themselves fugitives, accused of crimes they didn’t commit. Forced to trust a con-man, Den, to escape. They were almost executed. Made plans with Den and Andra, and it was only the four of them, but they brought down the fake lottery. Revealed the truth of Xanatos’ treachery. The Dark Jedi tried to escape and they gave chase.

 

They fought. Xanatos was strong, spewing more lies and trickery; but they were stronger together. Stronger than anything. Xanatos threw himself into the acid pools, rather dying than surrender. _“I am your biggest failure. Live with that. And live with this.”_ Always had to get the last word.

 

Bastard.

 

Xanatos and Bruck’s deaths will not haunt them, but they will carry them with them. Regrets for things they could not change. But life had meaning again.

 

_“Then you will take me back?”_

_“We will take each other back.”_

 

Together.

 

The stone was still warm, sometimes.

 

Obi-Wan left his trance with a gasp, his mind clearing. He did not understand why the Force would show him his past. It was nothing he did not know.

 

He tried again two more times, but all he got were the same visions of his past with Qui-Gon. The good times and the bad. All the reasons why he wanted to be together with the man for the rest of his life.

 

If he chose to be with Qui-Gon, to believe him and love him freely as a man, he would have to give up being a Jedi. The Council would never allow two of their own to be in a romantic relationship. The risk of them falling to the Dark Side would be too great.

 

But if he chose to remain a Jedi, he would lose Qui-Gon. The idea of giving him up was too painful to describe. It would cripple him emotionally, and he may never be able to use the Force at quite the same level again.

 

Oh, why did he have to make such a choice?

 

_You don’t have to,_ came Qui-Gon’s voice on his mind. Along with it was his soothing presence in the Force.

 

_Master_. Obi-Wan relaxed and felt warm all over. He didn’t mind the intrusion. _I don’t?_

 

_Why would the Force show you good and bad memories of us?_

That was what he was wondering too. Maybe the Force wanted to remind him how easily it could fall apart? Or that no matter what had happened to them, he and Qui-Gon always managed to persevere. Together.

 

_I think so too, my Obi-Wan._

 

Obi-Wan flushed. _How long have you been eavesdropping?_

_Only since Anakin fell asleep._

_Good. It’s his naptime anyway._

_You gave him a naptime?_

 

Obi-Wan ignored the amusement and tried to focus, but his thoughts continued to go around in circles. He rose fluidly, performed a series of stretches, and began walking around the garden, hoping that it would help.

 

-

 

When Obi-Wan returned, it was well after dark and he had long since missed the evening meal. Qui-Gon had fallen asleep waiting for him, but jolted awake when he felt Obi-Wan join him and Anakin on the bed.

 

The boy had stayed for more stories after dinner and fell asleep nestled against Qui-Gon’s side, in the protective curve of his arm.

 

Obi-Wan took a seat on his other side. He still looked uncertain, but there was also the determination Qui-Gon was used to seeing in his eyes.

 

Obi-Wan smiled nervously, looking much younger than his twenty-five years. “My path is, as always, with you, Master. Becoming a Knight could never change that. I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if it did. I don’t think the Council could ever understand. It’s nothing to do with possessiveness or fear. It’s just… what I’ve always felt, since the day wet met.”

 

Qui-Gon reached up to touch the young man’s smooth cheek. “It is what I feel as well. I still regret that it took me so long to realize it.”

 

“Don’t,” Obi-Wan said immediately, ever selfless. “It wasn’t your fault. I know now that you were worried I would be like Xanatos…”

 

He was such a foolish old man. “The fact that I could ever think you were like Xanatos just proves how regretful my actions were. Obi-Wan, you are the exact opposite of everything Xanatos was. You could never be like him. You are so much brighter in spirit than he ever was.”

 

Obi-Wan leaned into his touch like a kitten. Warmth flowed freely along their bond, strengthening and growing into something more. Most of the Force sensitives in the Palace would be able to sense it by morning.

 

“And you don’t have to give up being a Jedi,” Qui-Gon went on gently. “I don’t want to either. But I won’t be able to stay, not with the things I know. And not if I want to train Anakin.”

 

He could sense his former Padawan’s sadness at this. “You meant to leave as soon as you told me about this.”

 

Qui-Gon nodded. “It’s the only way. They will never understand.”

 

“Some might. There are still a few Jedi who would take your word.”

 

That was hopeful, but Qui-Gon had to take care of Anakin and Obi-Wan, so they had to come first. “Either way, I will be expelled from the Order.” A campaign that would likely be spearheaded by Windu.

 

Sad agreement flowed along their bond. “Then I’ll go with you.”

 

“Are you certain?” Qui-Gon pressed worriedly.

 

Obi-Wan smiled with a little more confidence, and humor. “You’ll just get into trouble without me.”

 

Chuckling, Qui-Gon pulled Obi-Wan down to him. The young man came slowly, drawing it out as his eyes fluttered closed.

 

The first brush of their lips made Obi-Wan gasp as if he’d never done this before. Qui-Gon felt a thrill and tried to pull his mate closer, but Obi-Wan resisted, laughing softly, eyes shining.

 

“Master, we’ll wake Anakin.”

 

Qui-Gon smiled and relented. “Ah, the joys of parenthood.”

 

Obi-Wan was stunned. “Parents?”

 

“The only way we’ll be able to keep him with us legally is if we adopt him. Otherwise we may be accused of kidnapping and the Council will seize him.”

 

His young love blushed. “Parents.” He seemed stunned. “I never imagined being someone’s father.”

 

“Is that bad thing?”

 

“No,” Obi-Wan said immediately. “Anakin is wonderful. I don’t want his future to be uncertain or clouded. I want him to become a wonderful Jedi.” He smiled wider. “A good man. Chosen One or not. And happy.”

 

“You sound like a father already,” Qui-Gon complimented. “Also, you’re still calling me Master. We’re equals now, my Obi-Wan.”

 

Obi-Wan ducked his head. “I know. It just feels… weird.” That wasn’t the word he’d wanted to use, Qui-Gon could tell. “Do you want me to stop?”

 

Qui-Gon smirked as he sensed what Obi-Wan hadn’t figured out yet about this matter. “Not if you don’t want to, my Obi-Wan. I can be your master if you want me to.”

 

Obi-Wan blushed brightly. “Why do I sense that that means something else?”

 

“Do you?”

 

“Master. Tell me.”

 

“Wouldn’t want to spoil it.”

 

“Master.”

 

“Mmm. Yes, keep calling me that.”

 

Obi-Wan grabbed a spare pillow and hit his head with it, which thankfully did not wake the boy.

 

-

 

By the morning, their growing bond was indeed felt by the others.

 

Qui-Gon was well enough for a meeting with the Council, but could not stay on his feet for extended periods of time. The members of the Council, along with those that had remained on Coruscant appearing in holocom form, sat in a semi-circle facing them. Qui-Gon sat in a comfortably padded chair with Anakin and Obi-Wan standing on either side of him. They both looked as if they intended to protect him, but Qui-Gon didn’t think that was necessary.

 

As Qui-Gon spoke, the Council was obviously alarmed, even the most stoic of them. All except Yoda.

 

The small Grand Master’s ears were raised with interest, one green hand cupping his whiskered chin, the very picture of ages-old wisdom and thoughtfulness. He was actually listening and it was more than Qui-Gon could have asked for.

 

“This is ridiculous,” Mace Windu spoke up first. “We shouldn’t even be humoring this foolishness.”

 

Beside him, Qui-Gon could feel Obi-Wan bristling. With a deep breath, the barely contained irritation was reined in and he was proud of new fledged Knight.

 

As everyone focused on him, Mace continued. “It’s one thing to fall in love, but this? Qui-Gon, you sound like a Dark Jedi. I would even say you already are one. Obi-Wan would have been a great Jedi Knight if not for your interference.”

 

“Being a good person is more important than being a good Jedi,” Obi-Wan replied calmly. “And, in our case, you can’t make us believe those things are completely divergent.”

 

If not for Obi-Wan’s calm, polite reply, Qui-Gon knew he would have lost his cool then and there. But his bond mate reassured him – this was the right thing. They knew that, so it didn’t matter if the Council voted against their plans. They would do it anyway, as they had on so many missions. (Though at those times, Obi-Wan hadn’t exactly agreed and often accused him of “picking up pathetic lifeforms again.”)

 

Mace was frowning, his brow creased. “But we are not like normal people. You cannot just decide to fall in love.”

 

Adi Gallia laughed softly. “Since when does anyone have a choice whether to love or not to love? Fools are the ones who even try.”

 

“But we have a choice whether or not to give into those feelings!”

 

“Oh?” she teased gently.

 

Qui-Gon smiled. He and Adi had caught onto the same thing – Mace had either never been in love before or was in severe denial.

 

He spoke up again. “We realize that our actions will make it necessary for us to leave the Order. That is our plan. We wish for no argument and promise to never try to convert the Jedi Order to our way of thinking. Obi-Wan and I merely wish to live the way that seems best to us.”

 

“Kenobi,” another member of the council addressed Obi-Wan. “You have just barely become a Knight. Are you truly willing to throw that away?”

 

Again, Obi-Wan spoke with calm dignity. “I don’t believe I really am. If the only reason I don’t go with my Master is because of a rank, it is a dishonor to my feelings and to the years we’ve spent together.”

 

“And you truly feel this is the correct path?” Mace pressed.

 

Obi-Wan gave the smallest twitch, the only sign of his irritation with the man. “I feel as I have always felt—that my place is beside Qui-Gon Jinn. I meditated long on this matter, Masters. I know my age and association with Qui-Gon might seem that I would give into impetuousness, but that is not the case here. I searched the Force and while I could not find the same knowledge Qui-Gon has seen, it led me to remember this truth that I have known since we met: I want to be with him.

 

“I don’t believe that love is an evil, either,” he added when Mace looked like he was about to speak again. “Or that it would lead us to the Dark Side. If we are in love, it must be because the Force intended it.”

 

Mace got a distinctly constipated look on his face and Qui-Gon suppressed a smile. He used the “Will of the Force” excuse often, but he’d never heard it from Obi-Wan. Perhaps he was a little bit of a bad influence.

 

“We cannot just let you do as you please!” the dark-skinned humanoid exclaimed. His legs shifted as if he wanted to rise to his feet. “And the boy – taking him with you would put him in danger. We cannot allow it. We will take Anakin Skywalker into our custody.”

 

A soft tapping of a cane on the polished floor brought them to silence. Everyone looked at Yoda.

 

His green, wrinkled face was now frowning – in Mace’s direction. “What say you if adopt young Skywalker, they do?”

 

“Children’s services would never allow it!” Windu cried.

 

“Naboo’s would.”

 

They looked toward the meeting room’s entrance. There stood the elegant figure of Queen Amidala, surrounded by her usual retinue. Her face was impassive behind the harsh, white make up. Today’s headdress looked decidedly heavy, but she wore it as if it was not.

 

“What?” Mace asked, gaping.

 

“Naboo would,” the girl repeated in a firm, regal voice, “legalize the adoption. I will see it taken to the highest courts in the Republic Senate, if need be.”

 

“See?” Yoda smiled and waved his cane in Mace’s direction. “Taken care of, it is. Calm down, you should.”

 

Qui-Gon exchanged a look with Obi-Wan as Windu tried not to sputter. It seemed they would owe a favor to the young Queen, though Qui-Gon didn’t think his mate would be bothered.

 

Obi-Wan smiled. “I think that would work.”

 

Qui-Gon nodded, smiling back. “Yes.” Anakin would be theirs, officially.

 

-

 

Yoda, despite Mace Windu’s disapproval, did something he did not have to and made arrangements for them to go to Kashyyyk. Old friends had been contacted and preparations were being made for them to stay in the tree village Rwookrrooro on that planet.

 

Obi-Wan was pleased with this turn of events. Not only did they have Yoda’s support, but a place to go. He’d disliked the idea of only a vague idea of leaving everything they’d ever known for some mysterious future.

 

Kashyyyk could be dangerous, but nothing they couldn’t protect Anakin from as long as they stayed in the upper tree levels. Obviously taking the boy to the Shadowlands was out of the question. But Obi-Wan felt as starkly different as it was from Tatooine, Anakin would grow and thrive there.

 

When the adoption papers were filed and the other Jedi had gone on their way, Obi-Wan and his new ‘family’ prepared to leave. His only regret was not speaking to Bant again before she left with her Master. He hoped that she would understand his actions, some day.

 

They went to the Queen’s Meeting Hall to say their goodbyes and express their gratitude once more.

 

Padme smiled when she saw them. It saddened Obi-Wan to consider that such a pretty young girl, just in her teens, should have had vastly different ways to occupy her time. Not devoting her time entirely to her planet and politics. But it seemed that such a simple life had never been in Padme’s destiny.

 

“We can never repay you for what you have done for us, my friends. If there is anything that you want, please don’t hesitate to ask.”

 

Before Obi-Wan could reply that that wasn’t necessary—to remind the Queen gently that Jedi did not accept rewards for their labors—Anakin spoke up.

 

“Can I have Artoo?”

 

Obi-Wan gaped down at their young charge before smiling. _Ah, we didn’t tell him about not accepting rewards, did we?_

 

_Not yet,_ Qui-Gon answered, just as amused. _But since it’s just an astromech droid, we can allow it this time. Besides, we can change or bend rules freely now. We are our own masters._

 

Padme seemed just as amused. She motioned for one of her guards to take the R2 unit to the dock, where a freighter was waiting to transport them to Kashyyyk.

 

Anakin beamed and, before anyone could stop him, the boy rushed forward and kissed the queen’s cheek, getting white make up on his lips.

 

“Can we come visit, Padme?”

 

Her advisors looked appalled by the boy’s actions, but Padme merely laughed.

 

“Of course, Ani. If I don’t come see you first!” She kissed his forehead, now getting bright red lipstick on him. “I haven’t been to Kashyyyk before. And you had better send a communication occasionally, mister! I want to hear how you three are doing.”

 

Anakin agreed with enthusiasm and they left, the boy wearing the queen’s make up with something akin to pride.

 

Obi-Wan smiled warmly down at him, letting Anakin hold his hand. It was really hard not to love him, so he didn’t try to stop. “You really like the queen.”

 

“Of course. I’m going to marry her someday.”

 

His two fathers shared an amused smile, thinking it was merely Anakin’s crush talking, not that it was a foretelling of the future.

 

~ End of this part. Thank you for reading! ~


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